A coaching client said this to me recently. She knew exactly what she felt — she just couldn't say it out loud. If you've ever left a meeting rehearsing the sentence you didn't say, you know the feeling.
That's what this week's skill group is about. Last week was knowing what you feel. This week is saying it. In the EQ-i 2.0 model, self-expression holds three skills:
→ Emotional expression — saying what you feel, out loud
→ Assertiveness — saying no without damaging the relationship
→ Independence — deciding without needing everyone's approval
One sentence
The tool I gave her was one sentence:
"I am feeling X about Y, and I need Z."
Not a complaint. Not a performance. Just the truth, said plainly, to the person who needs to hear it.
Watch what it does to a blaming sentence:
"You always dump last-minute work on me, and you never even ask!"
becomes:
"I am feeling overwhelmed (X) about the shifting deadlines on the marketing project (Y), and I need us to agree on clear priorities before adding new tasks (Z)."
Same truth. Completely different conversation. The first sentence starts a fight about whether the accusation is fair. The second starts a conversation about what to do next.
Not a complaint. Not a performance. Just the truth, said plainly.
Why it works
The formula does three quiet things. Naming the feeling (X) keeps you honest. Naming the situation (Y) keeps it specific — no "always," no "never." And naming the need (Z) gives the other person something to say yes to. Most difficult conversations fail because they offer only the first two.
Try it once this week. One feeling, said out loud, to one person.
What makes it hard for you to say what you feel at work?
