"I don't have any friends anymore. When I was younger, I had so many." A client said this to me recently. She is not alone. When I debrief EQ reports, this comes up more than any other theme — capable, successful adults who have slowly lost the skill of building relationships that go both ways.
That is this week's group: the interpersonal side of emotional intelligence. Three skills live here:
→ Interpersonal relationships — building trust that goes both ways
→ Empathy — seeing their side without losing your own
→ Social responsibility — finding meaning in helping people beyond your own circle
Nobody drifted on purpose
Here is what usually happened. School and early work handed us friendships by default — same classroom, same team, same corridor. Then life got full: the promotion, the children, the move. Nobody decided to let the friendships fade. They faded because the structure that held them disappeared, and nothing replaced it.
Here is what I tell every client who says this: adult relationships do not happen by accident anymore. They happen on purpose.
Adult relationships do not happen by accident anymore. They happen on purpose.
Give before you ask
So this week, one move. Pick one person — a faded friend, a colleague you only talk tasks with — and give before you ask. Send something useful. Make an introduction. Check in with no agenda at all.
Why giving first? Because it changes what the relationship is about. A message that asks for nothing is a message that says: you occurred to me, and you matter. That is the whole mechanism. One relationship, restarted on purpose, is worth more than a dozen contacts added.
Who is one person you have let fade that you would want back?
